You wonder how all the British hacks got to Jose Mourinho's press conference on time, what with the pulsating erections they must have had.  You can understand those, as isn't the Special One every writer's dream?  Even those who hate him, and as a Liverpool supporter I know I'm supposed to, have to have a soft spot for him.  I know I do, and that wonderful doll which I'd love to buy one of that used to host that halftime show on Setanta.  Did he move to Fox Sports Plus too?  Oh, and does anyone actually get Fox Sports Plus?

On to the game itself, as we assume this will be the only time that Jose and Carlo Ancelotti actually stop sniping at each other.  With the two of them, it's hard to decipher just how good of a manager each is.  I was never sold on Ancelotti as a genius.  Yes, I know about the two European Cups and the three Finals and one Scudetto.  But some things are easy to win with Kaka and Pirlo at the peak of their powers.  You could make the same argument for Mourinho, who has won all of a majority of his trophies with clubs that were either richest in the world or at least richest in their county.  If he's able to get a Champions League victory with Inter, it will certainly up his rep, as they've been a European basket-case forever.  In fact, some of their crash-outs have been utterly hilarious.  Especially last season's when you could argue they outplayed Man United for a majority of the two legs but because Ibrahimovic couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a snow shovel they went out (why did Barca want him again?).

This tie sets up perfectly for Chelsea, as all that's required is a 1-0 win at home, which in years past they specialized in.  But with John Terry looking like a cubist representation of anarchy these days, keeping a clean sheet is no certainty.  With Diego Milito crashing the net as if someone told him there was free beer in there, it becomes less so.  Still, Drogba is finding form again, and if he decides to score, he will.  Wesley Schneider will be wearing an Obi Mikel all night, we'll see if he can break those shackles.  The sight of Ross Turnbull in a Champions League game will put everyone into a moment of shock, but I think we'll get past it.  Without Ashley Cole, you wonder if Jose won't unleash either Stankovic or Quaresma on whoever fills in, and you know Javier Zanetti will be marauding down that wing as well.  He's only been doing it for 64 years. 

Should be a cracking occasion.